Hear from our Yazidi mental health patients in Iraq

A Yazidi woman aged 60 poses in her house in Sinuni, Iraq

"We are from Khanasor village but we’ve been living in Sinuni since March 2019, when we came back from the IDP camps. After the 2014 genocide, I started to have mental health problems. I feel nervous, scared, uncomfortable and angry. I have a constant headache. I have pain in my eyes because I cry a lot. I am always thinking about the memories from the genocide, those who died, those who emigrated. Some of my sons live abroad now, and it’s difficult to be apart." 

Khawla Khalaf, 30, poses in her house in Sinuni, Iraq

"When I was 18 I was forced to marry my cousin. That forced marriage was the start of my depression. I got used to my situation, but I will never forget what happened to me. On the day of my wedding, I was angry and sad, I cried the whole time. Our financial situation also makes things worse. We are poor, and I cannot provide for my children. Sometimes they ask me for something and I cannot buy it for them. I also cannot forget events I witnessed during the genocide: a mother with two babies, saying ‘if I feed the first one, the second one will die’. About a year ago, I was pregnant with my fourth child and I was crying all the time. I was thinking a lot about suicide. My husband was worried. He said: ‘if you kill yourself I will commit suicide too, because I cannot live without you’. I finally went to the hospital in Sinuni. Today, I am better. But whenever I am alone, I start thinking about suicide. I am afraid I will kill myself."

Halo Khalaf, 66, poses in her house in Sinuni, Iraq

"We are originally from the South of Mount Sinjar. I have no children. My husband died before the genocide. Before 2014, I was living with my only brother Khader and his family. Khader was kidnapped by ISIS and never returned. We were actually kidnapped together, but I escaped after 20 days in captivity. I keep waiting for Khader. I wait for all the abducted ones to come back. So many people in my family have been kidnapped. Almost all my brother’s family has been kidnapped. Some came back, some didn’t. One of my nephews is currently with ISIS in Al-Hol camp in Syria. He has been brainwashed, he changed his name and doesn’t want to come back. I just want the kidnapped ones would come back. My dream is to save them. I pray everyday for God to bring back my brother. Before the genocide, I didn’t have any psychological problems, or health problems. Now I must take a lot of medication. I have mental health problems, kidney problems, high blood pressure, colon problems… I always feel like ISIS is coming. When I sleep, I wake up with a start. I cannot see clearly because I cry a lot. I feel pain in my whole body. I am not happy."

Hassan Khudeda Qasim, 51, poses in his home on Sinjar mountain, Iraq

"I have been living on the mountain all my life. My family used to be rich, but then three of my brothers got in a bad situation and we became poor 17 years ago. That is when my problems started. I have psychosis. I have been taking medication since 2002. I am angry and upset all the time. I am overthinking all the time. I have insomnia and headache. If I don’t take my medication, I become scared and angry and sometimes violent with my children. When that happens, my wife and children are afraid of being around me. I like to be alone. I have suicidal thoughts. Since 2014, my problems have worsened. We were on the mountain then escaped to Syria. We were IDPs in Kurdistan for two years then came back to Sinjar. I have six children and no job. We are very poor."

A Yazidi man aged 24 poses in his tent on Mount Sinjar, Iraq

"We are from the South of the mountain, close to Sinjar City. After the genocide, we stayed for one year in an IDP camp in Kurdistan, then we came here, to the mountain. I live in this tent with my family, my parents, my wife, my brother, my nephews… It is very, very difficult to live here. The living conditions are very hard. It’s either too hot or too cold. The latrines are shared and disgusting. There is no work here. I work with an armed group and make 300 USD a month. I am never happy. I am always upset. I cannot hang out with my friends because I can’t pretend to be happy. Depression is very hard. I feel like I am melting - and indeed I have lost a lot of weight. I affects my whole body. I also forget a lot of things.

I keep thinking about things I saw, or heard, about the genocide. Children who died. Children who were killed by ISIS and then ISIS cooked them and gave the ‘meat’ to their mothers.
I tried to kill myself three times: by drowning, with a gun, and with a knife. Each time, I was stopped. Since then, my family is worried about me, and I feel guilty because of that. It just makes things worse. I don’t want to take medication because it has too much side effects. I would like a magic pill to make all of what happened disappear, and make things good again. In those living conditions, it’s not easy to get better. Every single night I cry myself to sleep. Nothing makes me happy in life. There is no happiness in this life. If I am alive or dead, it’s the same thing."

Amina Ismail Elias, 20, poses in her house on Mount Sinjar, Iraq

"I am very very depressed. Medication makes me sleepy to I stopped taking the pills. I didn’t go to school at all, don’t know how to read or write. I don’t do anything, not even house chores. About 20 days ago, I tried to kill myself by cutting my wrists. When we were IDPs in Kurdistan I tried to set myself on fired and to get killed by a car. Why? I don’t really know. I am depressed. It started six years ago when one of my uncles was killed. Sometimes I faint and remain unconscious. I am always falling. I have pain in my skull from falling so much. Sometimes, I sit like that, and stay like that for hours. In 2014, we had to flee, but I don’t remember anything from that time. I blocked all the memories. Whenever I fight with someone, especially my father, I think about suicide. I just want to be like before, to be normal. I would give half of my lifetime to be normal."

Gule Suleiman, around 45, poses in her house in Sinuni, Iraq

"I had 7 children, but one died. Then my son Shahab emigrated to Europe and life was so difficult there for him, he started to be in a bad situation, he was depressed and drinking. This was the cause of my bad situation. I have been having tachycardia and insomnia, because I was so worried about him. Shahab is back here now. If he feels better, I feel better. But when he gets angry, I feel short of breath. I am thinking about him all the time. Sometimes, at night, I think about him, about the fact that he is not all right, and I can’t sleep. I take sleeping pills."